Patricia’s story

My name is Patricia. People call me Pat for short. I’m an immigrant living in the United States with my family for 21 years. I’d been secretly visiting a marriage counsellor for some time, but I’d told my husband that I was consulting a career counsellor.

My husband and I were classmates all through our college life in back home. Before moving to the U.S., both of us had earned our degrees in the same field and from the same university. But when we immigrated here, I had to stay home to look after our little children, while my husband improved his English language and was able to land a reputable job fairly quickly. Other than the few teachers and the parents of our children, I’d no chance to meet with anyone until our children grew up, which was not too long ago.

My husband is considered as a successful man, here. He is confident, proud and climbed up his career ladders fairly quickly, while I’m feeling failure and hopeless. While he was travelling around the world and giving speeches as a successful entrepreneur, I stayed home with children and made sure that they did their homework and kept themselves fit.

I should be happy with my husband’s progress. Because of him, I’m living in a mansion and owned so many jewelleries and I other luxury stuff that I never could have even dreamed of. Our children are lucky, too. They go to private school and have everything they want.

But I’m not happy. I often imagine about the career I never had. The reputation I was hoping to earn, I never did. My husband says “what more do you want?” “Don’t people treat you with respect?” They do, but this isn’t the kind of respect I’d dreamt of when I was in college.

My parents were poor. I couldn’t afford to go to English medium school as my husband did. But I worked hard and graduated from the same university my husband had. I was as good as my husband in terms of academic qualifications and was better than him in other areas such as dealing with difficult people and meeting my deadlines. But now, it seems to me, that the only thing I’m good at is being a house wife and keeping my house in order!

Being an extremely ambitious man, my husband is always on the go. He didn’t have time to notice my discontentment. In a way, it’s my fault also, because I don’t tell him everything. I see him always occupied with some issues. He sets his alarm clock for early in the morning and comes home at mid-night; some times even late. I don’t have heart to make him listen to my complaints!

I was busy with children, but now they’re on their own. I see people with my age working and doing something that sounds not only fun but also respectful. They’re praised for doing that, too! But me, well, nobody cares what I do. They see me dressed up and put on a big smile. They say I’m lucky to have married with such a charming man who treats me like a princess in front of people. I appreciate that, but I need something more. I need to do something of my own and get my won praised for those things.

Anyhow, as I wrote earlier, I’d been seeing a marriage counsellor for some time. One day my counsellor told me that I should express my inner feelings with my husband and I did. After hearing what I’d to say, my husband said “why didn’t you tell me you’re feeling like this, before?” “When did you start feeling like this?”

Well, I’d been feeling like this ever since we left our country of birth. But I was focusing on our family’s welfare first once we arrived here. I thought, when my husband secures a permanent source of income, I’ll have chance to develop my own career. Then, I thought well may be I should wait until our children finish their high school. My husband has earned enough money to last our life time and our children are in their college for some time, but my position had remained the same.

Now that my husband knows how I’m feeling, he signed me up for couple of activities that he thought I would enjoy. I’ve also started my language classes. I’m learning English as well as the French and I even had a trip to France last month. It was fabulous!

My friends tell me that I look good. I’m feeling good, too! But, I do think it’s a bit too late to start a brand new career at my age. However, I’m little more comfortable with my position and for the first time, I respect my husband more than I ever did before.