Bhaitika 2018

Tihar used to be one of my fondest festivals when I was growing up. Unlike my siblings, I was too kind and too sensitive about killing, so I didn’t enjoy Dashain festival, especially the Austami day when goats used to be slaughtered at my parents’ home every year. But everyday of Tihar gave me a very pleasant feeling. From Kag Tihar to Bhai Tika—five days’ festival, I enjoyed thoroughly!

This year one of my brothers and his wife are in Virginia, USA. They don’t have visa to visit me, but I was thinking of visiting them at one point. Then, my husband reminded me how they had neglected him and our son in one of their visits to this brother’s family in Nepal. My husband’s memory reminded me of other bad memories about this brother and his wife. They had not only neglected our mother but also humiliated in front of their son-in-law—my mother’s granddaughter’s husband. All that means no visit to this brother.

But I still was looking forward to exchanging our memories and experiences of the time this brother and I were growing up. I’m a middle daughter—I’ve one older and one younger sisters—and he is a middle son. So, we used to get along quite well when growing up. I was hoping to talk about those days.

I was also hoping to exchange our worldly experiences and our understanding of the spirituality. Now that both of us are at the age, everyday is a blessing. Material stuff are not important to us as they were in earlier days.

I knew his faith is not the same as mine--he strictly follows a sect of religion within the Hinduism—and I think all religions are equal.

Still, I was hoping to exchange our views on matters that concern to all elder human beings. But, no! Every time I called him this sister-in-law brought up how lucky she is with regards to her children and it is all because of her good karma in her past life. Then, she would start bragging about how well her daughter is living in Virginia. After hearing more than three time, I had to tell them “everybody lives well in North America”. 

What I was trying to tell them was that our relatives may have 4 or 5 story houses in Nepal, but they’re using one flat for themselves. Rest of the house is rented for their second income. Also, “two bedrooms” means two rooms in Nepal—they count every corner of the house as room. But here two bedrooms usually means there is at least one full bathroom (some comes with two or three), one kitchen, living room (may also have a separate dining room, family room, storage etc.) We’re currently renting a townhouse with all these plus a garage. So, living well for them could mean very different thing then living well for us.

But I think they took the other way. I tried calling them twice the next day, actual Bhai tika day, they didn’t pick up the phone. I suddenly realized they had been taking me “wrong”. They wanted me to just listen to them and say they had done a lot of pundye in their past lives so they could visit different countries and are having good time.

He is my brother and they were his family. They may not care about my feelings, but I do care about theirs. They may not understand it’s not polite to talk about themselves and brag about their fortune, but I do know it is rude.

So, I let them go the way they are and wrote this to him:

Dear  Mailodai,

Happy Daitika!

सधैझै बिहानै भगबानसित दाइको दीर्घाऊ र शुस्वातको माग गरे  अनि हजुरको वाइबर र  मैसेन्जर मा फोन गरेकी थिए. दुबईमा उठेन।  म हजुरहरुलाई वेट्न आउनु पर्थियो सकींन। नरमाइलो लगियो  र लामो वाकमा गए। 

मलाई आमाको नाम्मा एउटा स्कोलारशीप इस्थापना गर्न मनछ ज्वाईको पैसा नपरिकन. तेस्को लागि अब आउने अप्रिलमा नेपाल जाने प्रडछ .  तियो नगरी अरु  केहि गर्न मन्नै छैन. यो क़ुरा हजुरसित भननखोजे धेरैचोटी तर क़ुरा सधै आरकै तीर पुगियो, सारि !  

भगबानले हजुरलाई सधा शुखी राखून। लव यू सोमच 

हैप्पी भाईटिका 

बैनी, ससि 

The Religions Book: For A Book Review

Are all Religions equal?

A lot of people will have problems with this question. It’s because their emotions run deep when they hear about the religion they belong to, and that they think theirs’ is superior than anyone else.

Not easy to be impartial when it comes to writing about one's faith. But the authors—nine renowned theological scholars on world’s major faiths—of The RELIGIONS BOOK have managed to do just that, either by being impartial or by accepting “there is no logic in religions”.

Just by looking at the cover of the book one can see that the book covers everything—from “beside me there is no other god” to “the body may die but the soul will live on” to “so many faiths, so many paths, and “what’s true for me is the truth”.

This is a great read for someone who knows nothing or a very little about the origins (histories) of religions. The book will also come handy for others who wants to check their ‘facts’ or verify what they already know in the field of religions. For both the groups, this book will work as the encyclopedia of religion. 

Religions are sacred beliefs. The authors have just stated the information they have collected in this book; they’ve not debated. This is one of the most useful books I've read on religion, and I highly recommend the use of this book for reference.

2018’s Thanksgiving Day

This is 2018’s Thanksgiving Day. I’m thinking all the way back when we started celebrating Thanksgiving days with our children in Canada. I’m remembering how I used to decorate our front porch with fall flowers and dry branches, the lineup pumpkins, the colourful writhe, the big flowerpots with hanging geraniums and tall grass in front of our house. I enjoy the flashback of our children enjoying and decorating our formal dining table. These are the things of the past, but I’ve cherished them all in my memories!


Yesterday we invited a few families with their little girls. I cooked variety of food for grownups and ordered pizza and cake for the girls. My husband was anxious about how the new people will behave and how we’ll manage to enjoy the party. But it turned out a fun-filled evening for all of us! We went to bed being thankful to God.


This morning I took a leisurely walk, enjoying the marvellous colours of the fall and the wilderness in our neighbourhood. Feeling grateful and thanking God that there is nothing like nature. No invention, no technology, no human or any living being can replicate what nature is able to create!

There are many things I wished I knew when I was growing up. For example, if I knew how important public relations and networking are for our mental, financial and public life, I wouldn’t have burned my bridge.


With all my ignorance, I’m still proud of my decision to marry the man I did, have the children I’ve and for my courage to go back to school. Yes, there are nights I can’t sleep thinking about my children’s futures. Yes, I curse my family middle of some nights/evenings and in between my prayers. But it’s life. Comparing to the alternatives I would have if I wasn’t married or not have children, this is a much better life I’m living. 

Reclaiming my life

My husband had been telling me “Take time to walk”. “If you don’t have health, there is nothing you can enjoy”. Walking is good, I knew, but I was busy with things—sometimes I had to finish a book or blogpost/book chapter, other times I had to finish cleaning my house. Sometimes I had to be somewhere for someone, and other times I had to be somewhere for myself. For one thing or other, I’d not been able resume my walk everyday.


Then, I lost the ‘small’ of my back while trying to pickup a piece of pepper from the flour. A sharp pain suddenly surged throughout my back and I knew I had slipped one or more of my discs, causing pressure on my spinal cord and nervous system.


With God’s grace I eventually recovered my back, but I didn’t forget the pain! The pain stayed with me whole day, reminding me how fragile our life really is, and I determined to walk every morning as long as I live once I recovered from the injury.


Yesterday I walked on the pathway that connects a small neighbourhood to the middle school, where two of our children attended, in my community. While passing through the pathway I noticed a fairly large patch of wild peas. I’d noticed this patch many times during our walks in the fall, and tried taking picture many times, but my husband discouraged me, laughing and telling me how a small thing can distract me from a Big thing at hand! This morning I was alone, and I had my cellphone with me.

             

Patches of Kootooli Kosha plant with their drying our pods

The patch of springing plants above are called “Kootooli Kosha” in Nepal. Kootooli Kosha are the tiny peas in pods. They taste similar to the "small" peas grown and sell in Nepal, but these peas are a bit stronger and they're lightly bitter. They come in deep-green and slightly yellois--mung bean colour . They are wild peas, grows along the pathway in the wilderness in Nepal. Since this variety is not available in North America most people may not know about this type of peas.


As children, my friends and I used to pull a few springs of kootooli kosha on our way to school or back to home. There was never enough kootooli kosha to fill our stomach, but it was fun to chew on while walking with friends leisurely.



Although this patch above is drying out along with the pods of the kootooli kosha, this patch brought back some of my fun memories with my friends, and reminded other patches of kootooli koshas in my parents’ fields. It was a reminder of how a small thing like nibbling on the humble grain with my family members and friends can be a life-time memory!

The Mind-thing

This is a story about an elderly lady and her family. Her name is Komal. Komal means soft or gentle in Sanskrit.


Komal grew up in a cultured family. Her parents were educated people and their conscience was clear. They taught her what is “right” and what is “wrong” from the beginning. With her gentle nature and conscientious mind, she could do no wrong to anyone!


She got married with an elite man who is also considerate to others. Together they have four children. Komal stayed home and raised her children as best as she could.


The world has changed since Komal's children rearing days. Unlike her time, now the married women keep their career even after marrying and having children. Both husband and wife equally share all responsibilities, household chores and rearing children. All this means independence and financial freedom for today’s ladies!


Now old and vulnerable, Komal remembers how crazy her days used to be when her husband was building his career and their children were growing up. Buried with responsibilities, her husband always seemed tensed. He expected their house be in order and their children disciplined. He wanted his children to be seen, but not heard, just the way his father wanted when he was growing up.


With age and experience, Komal's husband has changed. Now he believes children should be able to interact with their parents freely. He tells, “Mind is everything”. “You can do anything you like with your mind,” to other children. He gives example of persons who’ve changed the world phenomenally by properly channeling their mind.


Komal knows her husband is doing the right thing. Guiding young people based on past experiences of what works what doesn't is the duty of her and her husband. But her heart aches every time her husband boosts other children’s self-confidence. Her chest tightens every time her husband gives good advise to other children and she becomes emotionally tensed suddenly.

Settling down slowly

My life had been all over the places: at friends’ homes, beaches, parks, weddings and other celebrations. Sometimes a bit hectic, but they were all fun activities. They legitimized my living!


Then we moved back to a new rental place that required some planning and physical works. My husband started teaching and I started inviting friends and relatives, as usual. So, we’re more or less settled in this place.


Yesterday, I called one of our dear old friends, and I took her for lunch. She was happy, and we talked for hours about her family and mine.



I’ve called a few other “new” friends for dinner this weekend. After this, I need to make 3 more parties to complete my self-imposed obligations. Giving rides to a few people who can’t drive/need help will always be there, but that proves I’m alive and still functional!

लालटीनको उज्यालोमा, A Book Review

Saraswoti Gyawali’s "लालटीनको उज्यालोमा" is a book you would want to read if you want to know how the Maoist in Nepal were able to win the hearts of the public and won the war in 2006.


Saraswoti is the wife of the current Minister of Foreign Affairs for Nepal. However, both, her husband, Mr. Pradip Kumar Gyawali, and Saraswoti were the former Comrade of Nepal’s Maoist party. The couple has three grownup children.

लालटीनको उज्यालोमा depicts the prehistory era of the Maoist party in Nepal. Built based on the ideologies of Karl Marx and Mao Zedong, the Maoist terrorized the royals, the oppressors and the capitalists in Nepal. In one incidence, for example, Saraswoti and her team humiliated one such oppressor in the public for selling the village girls for money. The incidence occurred in Ardhakhachhi district of Nepal. For her crimes the oppressor's face was painted black and she was forced to wear a garland of shoes around her neck!.

The Maoist's victory was short lived, however. Their government lasted less than a year and the country fell into the hands of a coalition government, followed by a national election after a year.

Yes, the Maoist were able to drive the royals out of the power, but it came at the cost of 13,000 lives and more than that many youth left the country as migrant workers for oversees. Thus, Saraswoti's satisfactions for being able bring some positive changes in the country during the insurgencies outweighed by the loss Nepal incurred.


The Moist party in Nepal also violated the fundamental principles of communism: "Property rights and Redistribution of property by occupying more private properties than any other governing party in the county had ever done!


I left Nepal when the Maoist were working underground as rebels. Their activities were not known to general public like myself. But I did share some of their nationalist sentiments! To be honest, however, neither the rebels nor I knew the true meaning of Maoism, then. We had no real awareness of what Mao or Marx were really like. We only knew their unrealistic ideologies.


Whatever the Maoist understood at the time of revolution and however they managed to get rid of the monarchs, what is happening in the country is not what they had envisaged initially!


Writing that, however, I find Saraswoti's book heroic, and I respect the couple for who they are, more than what they have done for Nepal.