Sarah's story

Hi, my given name is Saraswoti, but people call me Sarah for short. I was born in England (United Kingdom), but have been living in the US (United States of America) since 2008 with my family. I’m married with a school teacher and together we've two boys.

Physically my parents live in England, but they've created a “little India” there for themselves. They’ve been living there for the last 40 years, but they were born and brought up in Uganda. They were part of the “ethnic cleansing” campaign of Idi Amin, then President of Uganda.

I had to hear so much about this notorious leader when I was growing up. My brother did even more since he was born in Uganda and was old enough to lend his sympathetic ears when our parents needed them the most. My brother used to tell me “it’s your turn to listen to your mama and papa, I’ve done my part”. I guess he was tired of hearing my parents’ maddening stories about the country they were born and the way they were forced to leave, giving up everything they had earned during their lifetime, there, for free!

My parents are living the same life their ancestors had lived in India hundred or more years ago. For example, buttered-chapatti and spicy lentil soup are still their staple food. They perform puja everyday (pray mostly to the god and goddess of wealth: Gnash and Laxmi), mingle with their like-minded friends, snack on deep-fried foods and argue about Indian politics. However, unlike most of their and friends, my parents take chicken and fish curry once or twice a month, which Brahmins weren’t suppose to in India, they tell me.

I grew up with my elder brother. He is an intelligent man with an attractive body to go with his brain. He is a pediatrician, as my parents wanted him to be. He owns a mansion in Bedford, not far from our parents, and lives with his girlfriend. This is his 5^th girlfriend and my parents are hoping that she will marry him soon. My brother has three children from previous marriages; two of which live with our parents.

My brother grew up with a lot of manoeuvrability options! He was allowed to hangout with his colleagues until late at night, spend nights with his girlfriends, visit friends outside of hometown, say things he didn’t mean and no household chores were assigned to him. All he had to do was to bring A+s in his school assignments!

My mother calls me on phone most everyday and talks about my brother. “Your brother did this, or didn’t do that...”. I wish she would talk about me and my family sometimes. But I don’t tell her that. My husband tells me that I should let my feelings known to my parents. “You should tell them to find someone to listen to them,” he says. But I can’t. They are the only parents I got. I understand their frustrations with my brother. He makes tons of money but doesn’t retain them. He lives close to his parents, but never makes an effort to visit them. He is a doctor, but he does not know what medicine his father takes for his coronary heart disease. His mother is struggling to cope with her arthritis; he probably does not even know about it.

Our parents worked day and night in Uganda and had built an envious fortune, I was told. Even after immigrating to England, our father worked at two jobs and our mother brought home a couple of hundred pounds working at a local grocery store while we attended school. Working day and night and raising two small children in a new society must have been very hard for our parents!

Patricia’s story

My name is Patricia. People call me Pat for short. I’m an immigrant living in the United States with my family for 21 years. I’d been secretly visiting a marriage counsellor for some time, but I’d told my husband that I was consulting a career counsellor.

My husband and I were classmates all through our college life in back home. Before moving to the U.S., both of us had earned our degrees in the same field and from the same university. But when we immigrated here, I had to stay home to look after our little children, while my husband improved his English language and was able to land a reputable job fairly quickly. Other than the few teachers and the parents of our children, I’d no chance to meet with anyone until our children grew up, which was not too long ago.

My husband is considered as a successful man, here. He is confident, proud and climbed up his career ladders fairly quickly, while I’m feeling failure and hopeless. While he was travelling around the world and giving speeches as a successful entrepreneur, I stayed home with children and made sure that they did their homework and kept themselves fit.

I should be happy with my husband’s progress. Because of him, I’m living in a mansion and owned so many jewelleries and I other luxury stuff that I never could have even dreamed of. Our children are lucky, too. They go to private school and have everything they want.

But I’m not happy. I often imagine about the career I never had. The reputation I was hoping to earn, I never did. My husband says “what more do you want?” “Don’t people treat you with respect?” They do, but this isn’t the kind of respect I’d dreamt of when I was in college.

My parents were poor. I couldn’t afford to go to English medium school as my husband did. But I worked hard and graduated from the same university my husband had. I was as good as my husband in terms of academic qualifications and was better than him in other areas such as dealing with difficult people and meeting my deadlines. But now, it seems to me, that the only thing I’m good at is being a house wife and keeping my house in order!

Being an extremely ambitious man, my husband is always on the go. He didn’t have time to notice my discontentment. In a way, it’s my fault also, because I don’t tell him everything. I see him always occupied with some issues. He sets his alarm clock for early in the morning and comes home at mid-night; some times even late. I don’t have heart to make him listen to my complaints!

I was busy with children, but now they’re on their own. I see people with my age working and doing something that sounds not only fun but also respectful. They’re praised for doing that, too! But me, well, nobody cares what I do. They see me dressed up and put on a big smile. They say I’m lucky to have married with such a charming man who treats me like a princess in front of people. I appreciate that, but I need something more. I need to do something of my own and get my won praised for those things.

Anyhow, as I wrote earlier, I’d been seeing a marriage counsellor for some time. One day my counsellor told me that I should express my inner feelings with my husband and I did. After hearing what I’d to say, my husband said “why didn’t you tell me you’re feeling like this, before?” “When did you start feeling like this?”

Well, I’d been feeling like this ever since we left our country of birth. But I was focusing on our family’s welfare first once we arrived here. I thought, when my husband secures a permanent source of income, I’ll have chance to develop my own career. Then, I thought well may be I should wait until our children finish their high school. My husband has earned enough money to last our life time and our children are in their college for some time, but my position had remained the same.

Now that my husband knows how I’m feeling, he signed me up for couple of activities that he thought I would enjoy. I’ve also started my language classes. I’m learning English as well as the French and I even had a trip to France last month. It was fabulous!

My friends tell me that I look good. I’m feeling good, too! But, I do think it’s a bit too late to start a brand new career at my age. However, I’m little more comfortable with my position and for the first time, I respect my husband more than I ever did before.

 

Nadia's story

My name is Nadia Adhikari. I was born in Bhutan. However, because of the political situation there my family fled to Nepal to take refuge when I was only one year old. I grew up with my family in that refugee camp. We were there for 16 years.

Our life inside the camp was like animals living in a zoo. We could not leave the area without permission. We had very little food (i.e. 5kg rice per person for 15 days) to survive on. We were given a tiny hut to live in with no electricity. The hut was made out of bamboo and mud.

I was only nine years old when my father passed away in the refugee camp, leaving me and four of my siblings in my mother’s care. Despite our poor conditions in the camp, there were a lot of positive things also that we were thankful for. For example, we were safe inside the camp. We were surrounded by loving friends and families. We were also provided with good education run by CARITAS Nepal. CARITAS Nepal is a social development and relief organization run by the United Nations High Commission for Refugees with the help of the Roman Catholic Church.

With my siblings, I attended English school run by the CARITAS Nepal up to the grade ten. After I graduated from grade ten and received my School Living Certificate, I was granted a scholarship to attend a college, called the University of Birtamode. There I was studying English, Economics, Nepalese and math for three months. Then, my family was awarded with an opportunity to come to Canada on refugee status.

Because of the Canadian government’s generosity, my family got an opportunity to come to Ottawa and I could attend one of the most prestigious high schools in the common wealth (I heard). Ottawa is a beautiful city with lot of space. I find people here are very friendly. Everybody we met has been helpful and kind to my family. Although we came here as refugees, we feel that people are treating us with some dignity and respect, which we were longing for so long! It’s been only three years since we arrived in Fredericton, but I already feel that I’m part of the society and I belong here!

This is my final year at Pressman High School. I’ve been working hard in my school and making sturdy progress. Although, my grades are not up to the level I would have liked to, I’m reasonably happy considering the fact that English language was not my mother-tongue. Also, I work part-time at a hotel during the summer time and in weekends to support my mother financially.

In addition to that, I’m in the co-op program at PHS. I wanted to work for the Everest hospital, but it was already full by the time my application reached. However, I got the opportunity to work for the Thomas Hall nursing home when I started grade 12. I’m very much enjoying my work there and I know the patients appreciate my company also. I see them smiling when I enter into their room. They hug me and listen to me when I asked them to do certain things. For example, there were a few patients refusing to take their meal, I was told. But when I explained to the same patients how important the meal is for their body, they listened to me and ate without a quarrel. I’m also able to convince them to take bath when others were not able to. This experience has given me the confidence I needed to go into the healthcare profession I had always dreamt of. Working for the nursing home has been a very rewarding experience for me!

My father was a poor man, but he had big heart. Whatever little he had, he always shared with his friends and relatives inside of the camp. He told us to work hard, live honest life and help others. His words have inspired me to help others and that was my main reason of going into the nursing career!

I want to pursue the Nursing program at University of Ottawa for many other reasons also. The two most daring reasons for me, in addition to honoring my father’s words, are, 1) I enjoy being with people and working for them; 2) I also want to make sure I’ll have steady income when I complete my university, so that I can help my family, especially my mother. My mother was only 34 years old when my father died in the refugee camp. She was young with her own desires. She could have remarried, but she chose to raise us giving up her happiness! I want to “thank” her with my nursing degree. I want to make sure I’ve the financial security she did not have, and I know this is what she wants from me!

When I was in Nepal, I used to dream of becoming a doctor. Because of that I had started volunteering at an organization called “Save the Children Fund”. But now I’ve realized that going to medicine is a huge commitment that my family can’t afford. Nursing career is perfect for me. I get to care the patients in need and at the same time, I don’t have to worry for my basic needs. In addition to that, nursing career also gives me the opportunity to give back “my service” to the Canadian society which helped my family regain our dignity!

 

Laura's story

My name is Kalpana. But if you can’t pronounce my name correctly, you can call me with my Canadian name Kaila.

I’m a married women immigrated to Canada with my husband about 40 years ago. My husband and I don’t have our own children, but we’ve two of our nephews living with us. They came here to study. Both of the boys go to an engineering college near by.

My husband is an engineer, also. He was raised in a privileged family and always got what he wanted. If he didn’t, he used to tell his family that he will run away from home or jump out of the window and his family used to run after him pleading him “please don’t jump”. His family had told me all this when we’re just married, some 50 years ago.

I’m his second wife. My husband was in his teenage when he got married the first time with a girl of submissive nature. She had died after a few years of marriage. People used to tell me that my husband had treated his first wife as if she was his slave-wife (a servant girl who was also used for sexual purposes). But I’m a different person. I’m everything his first wife was not. My husband had found this out fairly quickly!

The first thing I noticed about my husband, after we’re married, was that he threatened his family to get what he wanted. His tactic of jumping out of the window or running away from home had worked for him, so a few days after we’re married he used the tactic with me also. I was to give him all of my possessions I’d brought with me from my parents. But I told him “no”. What I brought from my family belonged to me I told him and he began to proceed towards the window of our bedroom. I gave one good glance at him and told me “go ahead”. Guess what happened next? My husband realized that his tactic wasn’t going to work with me, so he stopped using it.

You see, when I was barely two years old my own father had died after jumping out of his window. I don’t remember him, but my family say that my father was a very strong man with lot of good qualities. However, his emotional problem had taken his life and our happiness. “He was an educated man, but foolish,” my mother used to tell me about my father. I had to grow up hearing people around me say “poor child, she never knew her father’s love,” etc., and I remember my mother sobbing to sleep every night. I wasn’t going to let my husband do the same thing to me!

After almost 50 years of marriage, I look at my husband now and sometimes I kid him “do you still feel like jumping out of the window?” He looks at me as a helpless child and begs me not to remind him of that. He especially feels awful about the ways he had treated to his first wife.

I feel bad for torturing him like this. To make him feel good, I try reciting some of the Hindu verses on reincarnation and transmigration of a Hindu’s life. I try shifting the blame from my husband to his first wife’s own fate. According to Hinduism, one’s fate is determined by his/her own karma performed in the previous life. I reason my husband that his first wife must have done some bad karma or had troubled him in some ways. Because of that she had come back to him to pay back her “debt” (by being his wife). Being an engineer, my husband agrees with my logic (the law of cause and effect) and says “that makes sense; doesn’t it?”

Kalpana’s story

My name is Kalpana. But if you can’t pronounce my name correctly, you can call me with my Canadian name Kaila.

I’m a married women immigrated to Canada with my husband about 40 years ago. My husband and I don’t have our own children, but we’ve two of our nephews living with us. They came here to study. Both of the boys go to an engineering college near by.

 
My husband is an engineer, also. He was raised in a privileged family and always got what he wanted. If he didn’t, he used to tell his family that he will run away from home or jump out of the window and his family used to run after him pleading him “please don’t jump”. His family had told me all this when we’re just married, some 50 years ago.

I’m his second wife. My husband was in his teenage when he got married the first time with a girl of submissive nature. She had died after a few years of marriage. People used to tell me that my husband had treated his first wife as if she was his slave-wife (a servant girl who was also used for sexual purposes). But I’m a different person. I’m everything his first wife was not. My husband had found this out fairly quickly!

The first thing I noticed about my husband, after we’re married, was that he threatened his family to get what he wanted. His tactic of jumping out of the window or running away from home had worked for him, so a few days after we’re married he used the tactic with me also. I was to give him all of my possessions I’d brought with me from my parents. But I told him “no”. What I brought from my family belonged to me I told him and he began to proceed towards the window of our bedroom. I gave one good glance at him and told me “go ahead”. Guess what happened next? My husband realized that his tactic wasn’t going to work with me, so he stopped using it.

You see, when I was barely two years old my own father had died after jumping out of his window. I don’t remember him, but my family say that my father was a very strong man with lot of good qualities. However, his emotional problem had taken his life and our happiness. “He was an educated man, but foolish,” my mother used to tell me about my father. I had to grow up hearing people around me say “poor child, she never knew her father’s love,” etc., and I remember my mother sobbing to sleep every night. I wasn’t going to let my husband do the same thing to me!

After almost 50 years of marriage, I look at my husband now and sometimes I kid him “do you still feel like jumping out of the window?” He looks at me as a helpless child and begs me not to remind him of that. He especially feels awful about the ways he had treated to his first wife.

I feel bad for torturing him like this. To make him feel good, I try reciting some of the Hindu verses on reincarnation and transmigration of a Hindu’s life. I try shifting the blame from my husband to his first wife’s own fate. According to Hinduism, one’s fate is determined by his/her own karma performed in the previous life. I reason my husband that his first wife must have done some bad karma or had troubled him in some ways. Because of that she had come back to him to pay back her “debt” (by being his wife). Being an engineer, my husband agrees with my logic (the law of cause and effect) and says “that makes sense; doesn’t it?”

Dreams work as the law of attraction

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to lead a life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” --Henry David Thoreau

 

“You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.” --James Anthony Froude

 

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” __Edgar Allan Poe

 

“Keep true to the dream of thy youth.” –Friedrich Von Schiller

 

“Hope is a waking dream.” –Aristotle

 

“What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it! –Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

 

“A dreamer lives for eternity.” –Anonymous

 

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”Eleanor Roosevelt

 

“Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.” –Henry David Thoreau

 

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.” –Victor Hugo

 

“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” –Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

 

“A man’s dreams are an index to his greatness.” – Zadok Rabinowitz

 

“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson