Mother can be overwhelmed with love

We've tall and very handsome son. He is an artist and we're proud of him. He is making his own living and don't want to do anything else. He is a singer, song-writer, plays several instruments and manages his own band. This can be seen as a dedicated artist--no reason to worry about him, right? 

 

Well, we're worried about him sometimes because most artists work hard, but earn very little income. He was born a day before the Mother’s Day in May. Thus, everyone used to tell me that “He is my Mother’s Day gift”. But he was more than any gift a mother could ask. He was a happy child, easy on his approach to everything. He mimicked his elder sisters and created his own games if nobody was around. He was a perfect child anyone could imagine!

 

While growing up, he did everything we wanted him to do: He was in sports, in music, was in a math competition, and a debater. He helped us in shoveling snow in the winter and mowing lawn in the summer. He was respectful, honourable and never talked back at us. Our girls used to tell me “Mom has a soft spot for him” but who wouldn’t have for such a child?

 

The matter is, we both (my husband and I) know the value of Freethinking, and we're happy that our children are using their own mind to choose the career of their choice--not the career path we wanted for them to follow. Yet, I felt a sharp pain when I read our son explaining his experiences of  being a young brown artist struggling to survive amongst his white counterparts, and at the same time feeling abandoned by his parents when he dropped off from McGill a quite a few years back. The interview was a great exposure of his talent and look, yet I felt bad knowing his not-so-happy past! 

 

True, we didn't care about our young son as much as he needed in his earlier art career, but we were hurt and felt betrayed when he quitted one of the most prestigious colleges we had sent him to. However, he was only 17 years old, and my mind couldn't agree even with all this justifications. He was too young to leave home unattended and free.

 

To be fair, I never abandoned him. I cried many nights to sleep, and I’m sure my husband felt the same. We’re both too disappointed, but I begged with my husband to visit him. Thus, when he said his parents abandoned him--not his father abandoned him, it was hurtful. 

 

My husband is a 'successful' man and so am I. We've 'achieved' much more than many of our counterparts. But we didn't walk on the paths our parents showed us. We used our own mind and created our own successes. We're freethinkers!

 

We're advocating others to use their own head--instead of following the conventional thinking--believing in gods and heaven and hell stories. 

 

Our son is doing the respectful thing: He is pursuing his interest (singer, son-writer, and band manager), while working to support him financially.  Nothing wrong here!

 

So, why are we creating this double standard? I'm asking myself this question again and again.

Mother's Day Messages

Dear Mothers:

Wherever you’re, please take charge of your own happiness. Don’t wait until it is too late to enjoy your Coming-of-Age (old age). Don’t spend all your resources on your children only to depend on their mercy later on.

I hope your family made you feel loved and proud today. 

Please take care of yourself!

          

There’s no heaven or hell

 

 

Changing the widely held beliefs about religions and gods is not easy. But I think taking the courage to convince people that there is no heaven or hell is worth all the trouble. I wish I was this sure before my mother died—she often talked about her place in heaven and worried.

I think “The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now. The way to be happy is to make others so” (Robert Ingersoll). 

Mother's Day

2021

The smart and the intelligent

When our children were growing up my husband often suggested "why don't you read in  your spare time," and I would argue: “What do I get by reading?” 

I was very crude and stubborn person. I still am in many cases, but I’m a reader now and have travelled a few countries. Having seen many places and meeting with people of various faiths and cultures have broaden my view of life. Now I know we don't read only to "get" something!

However, through my experiences I’ve also learned that intelligent people are harder to manage than the smart ones.

Smartness is not born with, intelligent is in many ways Why?

Because experiences makes people smart (e.g., street smart). Smart is a knowledge that helps people to survive in certain situations. Intelligent, on the other hand, is the innate ability to figure out things faster and solve problems quicker. People are born with intelligence, while smartness is a learned behaviour.

Although intelligent people learn faster than the smarter ones, they  change only when they want!

History repeats, definitely!

On my mother’s visit, we talked a lot about our past, as most mother and daughter do. We talked how brave she was to take care of the land my parents had, their big house and 6 children, among others. It was her sending all of us to school, giving in marriage and made sure we all lived in our own house, while my father lived part of the year in another province when we were young and then kept busy soul searching for him own peace. There’s no denying my mother’s contributions to the family, but I was amazed hearing the repeat from my mother’s mouth, especially because she never self-praised or believed in self-pity when I was growing up.

I was doing what my mother was doing during the last few months. I guess, it’s part of my own growing up too! Realization of we can’t do what we did earlier years make us feel vulnerable. Recounting our past achievements gives us some comfort.   

So, I scanned my past and revaluated my life, my husband and our children. I found my family outwardly beautiful and inwardly wonderful human being. They’re educated, humble and very modest. They’re courageous to ‘swim on the uncharted water’, which seemed like failure at the time!

We’re educated, have-seen people and places. But we’re parents! We acted as all other parents acted upon their children’s unconventional career choices.  On the one hand, we praised those who were doing something different, on the other hand we scolded our own children for wanting to take different paths from their pears. We thought only formal education guarantees our children’s future. 

I know our children may not become the Gates or Jobs, but they’re not a regular persons running to meet the deadlines like other children do. Most children live a routine pattern—school, job, marriage, home, saving, retirement, and look after their grandchildren—a path that starts from their birth and ends at death. No risk taking ability, no extraordinary venture or excitements in life. Everything planned and secured, so their parents can rest assured!

But that’s not how my husband and I lived. Looking back, we took so many risks and did  a lot of things our siblings didn’t do. For example, we were first to marry unknown person, moved to a totally new country, learned new cultures and mixed up with so many cultural groups. We raised  our children our ways, didn’t impose our parents’ culture or faith on them. 

A lot of ladies of my time didn’t go back to school after their marriage, I did. I not only went back for graduate school but worked for a few years, secured a small pension and wrote books on my 50s!  I read a lot of materials most ladies of my age can’t even imagine reading and I do some crazy stuff to my own amusement! I know my  mother was a courageous lady, but couldn’t do a lot of things she wanted. Her time was different, but she took so many risks and was proud of herself.  I always thought I was very different from mother, but I guess history does repeat! It’s the feeling I never had before.

Nirvana is not possible

Many religious epics say do this and that to get moksha or nirvana. Moksha or nirvana is their final goal. They believe that once they crossover the "other" side, they will not have to go through the birth and death cycle  and suffer anymore. In their mind nirvana is an idyllic place where there is no suffering.


But such place can't coexist when you believe the god/goddess created this world. If god/goddess created this world, he/she would want someone to take care of it. Nobody would design a thing so fondly and watch it destroyed!

If you're nonegodbeliever (atheist) still fact wouldn't change. For example, if the world is evolving all the time as the physicists argue, then all living being would be evolving also. Nothing would stay in the same physical form--water evaporates and forms cloud, cloud melts and comes down as rain, rain freezes and becomes ice.... Similarly, rock turns to sand and sand collects more sand and turns to rock.

Human being may look a bit different physically or mentally because of our experiences and changing environment, but we don't become extinct!

Remembering the cousin I lost

Today is the brother "worshipping" day in Nepal. Formally this day is called the "Bhai Tika" day. Since the Nepalese are spread out all over the world in this very globalised world, the tradition of celebrating Bhai Tika has come in Canada, too.

But my family doesn't follow the tradition. We left Nepal a long time ago and lived in the societies where there were no other Nepalese until fairly recently. Besides, we didn't follow many of the traditions even in Nepal.  So, not worshiping doesn't make me sad, but I do make a point of remembering all the brothers I did worshipped when I was in Nepal on this very auspicious day.

As usual, I called my brother--the one I was paired with by my parents--last night. I call this brother "Mailodai". While talking with Mailodai and wishing him longevity and wellbeing, a cousin's name came out of my mouth, suddenly. Since this cousin didn't have his own sister, I used to take him as my own brother and bless him on this day, also.

Unfortunately, this cousin died of cancer about 5 years ago.  I had not talked about him with other brothers  on this day. Why did his name came to me yesterday? I felt a bit uneasy after we ended out conversation with Mailodai last night!

Then, this morning I send my blessing to another brother of mine who lives in California. This brother I adopted when I was in my teen age. By this time my cousin brother had adopted another sister. So, we both had new brother and new sister for Bhai Tika.

I've a few other cousin brothers also, but I wasn't as close with them as I was with this one. This cousin was only 6 hours younger to me and we did so many things together. Later when we grew up, he took me around the town in his motorcycle and made other ladies of my age very jealous!

So, what made my cousin take another sister? And, why did my "new" brother asked me to adopt him? These questions came to my mind for the first time this morning after all these years.

The truth was, my cousin was forced to adopt the other sister by his father, my uncle. My uncle thought my cousin would benefit from the new sister because her social status was much higher than mine.

But as the saying goes: God works mysteriously, my cousin came to England in his early 20s, and his adopted sister stayed in Nepal. On the other hand, I came to Canada and my adopted brother moved to the US. This brother of mine was also my husband 's classmate in college.

So, we're in contact with this brother and his wonderful wife. We're making two week's cruse in Europe together. His wife and my husband are as excited as my adopted brother and I are!  All of us are really looking forward to this trip together.