Monday 4 November 2019

History repeats, definitely!

On my mother’s visit, we talked a lot about our past, as most mother and daughter do. We talked how brave she was to take care of the land my parents had, their big house and 6 children, among others. It was her sending all of us to school, giving in marriage and made sure we all lived in our own house, while my father lived part of the year in another province when we were young and then kept busy soul searching for him own peace. There’s no denying my mother’s contributions to the family, but I was amazed hearing the repeat from my mother’s mouth, especially because she never self-praised or believed in self-pity when I was growing up.

I was doing what my mother was doing during the last few months. I guess, it’s part of my own growing up too! Realization of we can’t do what we did earlier years make us feel vulnerable. Recounting our past achievements gives us some comfort.   

So, I scanned my past and revaluated my life, my husband and our children. I found my family outwardly beautiful and inwardly wonderful human being. They’re educated, humble and very modest. They’re courageous to ‘swim on the uncharted water’, which seemed like failure at the time!

We’re educated, have-seen people and places. But we’re parents! We acted as all other parents acted upon their children’s unconventional career choices.  On the one hand, we praised those who were doing something different, on the other hand we scolded our own children for wanting to take different paths from their pears. We thought only formal education guarantees our children’s future. 

I know our children may not become the Gates or Jobs, but they’re not a regular persons running to meet the deadlines like other children do. Most children live a routine pattern—school, job, marriage, home, saving, retirement, and look after their grandchildren—a path that starts from their birth and ends at death. No risk taking ability, no extraordinary venture or excitements in life. Everything planned and secured, so their parents can rest assured!

But that’s not how my husband and I lived. Looking back, we took so many risks and did  a lot of things our siblings didn’t do. For example, we were first to marry unknown person, moved to a totally new country, learned new cultures and mixed up with so many cultural groups. We raised  our children our ways, didn’t impose our parents’ culture or faith on them. 

A lot of ladies of my time didn’t go back to school after their marriage, I did. I not only went back for graduate school but worked for a few years, secured a small pension and wrote books on my 50s!  I read a lot of materials most ladies of my age can’t even imagine reading and I do some crazy stuff to my own amusement! I know my  mother was a courageous lady, but couldn’t do a lot of things she wanted. Her time was different, but she took so many risks and was proud of herself.  I always thought I was very different from mother, but I guess history does repeat! It’s the feeling I never had before.