Saturday 20 April 2013

Playing with Emotions

The hypothesis that most women stay in abusive relationships for their own economic benefits does not measure up in my opinion, b/c I know more than one way of measuring relationships.

Women stay in relationship for more than economic reason and, sometimes they cling onto the relationship they never had because of the way they brought up. Let me share a story to demonstrate how this works:


An elderly lady I knew when I was growing up had joined a group of people that she had no connection with in her entire 70 years of life. The group she joined remotely relates to her good-for-nothing husband --the husband who married her at her tender age of 16 and left her in a society where her remarrying chance  is Zero!


The lady was with her husband for about six months. Even within this period she didn’t have physical contact with him according to her recent testimony. Other than this brief period, she has been living with her parents (dead now) for all her life. How did she think she belonged to her estrange husband and his family circle?   But she strongly believes she does!

Her estrange husband is probably married and living happily somewhere, while this lady is spending a lonely life for all these years.


The news of this lady joining the group took me back! I began thinking about the logic behind this lady and others like her mind.


When I was a child, I had heard that girls are conditioned to feel certain ways about the man they would marry later on. With so much brainwashing on how a husband should be treated and how to be a wife, it’s easy to accept any man in life and pretend to fall in love.


Girls in many societies are raised in such a way that they learn to take the word “husband” in a very emotional way. The promise to take care of each other in health and in sickness  in marriage they take literally. But not the man they marry, because men are permitted by our society to remarry thousand times!


Marriage vows are developed and construed by male in our male-dominated societies. Most ladies don't consider this and believe that there is no other relationship more promising, comforting and connecting to each other than the relationships between a husband and wife. No wonder marriages are taken so seriously by many women in our societies, but not by many men..

The circumcisions of young boys and girls (happens mostly in Judaism and Islam societies), the child-bride cultures, the polygamous philosophy, the untouchable cultures in some pockets of the world, and the abuses, rapes and murders that we read and hear every day in our societies are all part of the brainwashing. Brainwashing is the most powerful strategy used systematically to justify what is already known is the only truth, everything else is false!


Many girls in our societies are systematically brainwashed at home through the dialogues between their mother and father. Then the society reinforces further to make these assertions legal. How else can we explain millions of powerful women taking slaves role and treating their husband is a master?


Every temples, churches and mosques are built to reinforce these "master and slaves" roles. Folklores are written and recited again and again to shape the girls' brain certain ways.By the time the girls reach their puberty, they are completely sold to the idea that without their husband they are nobody. Their unwavering-faith towards their husband provides them with the emotional security that they can’t imagine their life without their husband. Because of this, most men see their marriage as a through-lane, instead of the two-way traffic lanes, where the traffic rules apply to both husband and wife.

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